Are you Really Courageous?

Courage is most often ‘prescribed’ as an action ’one does’. Those who are ‘courageous’ perform some act, by facing a ‘fear’, which they overcome and reap the rewards. Over my entire career, whether in banking or in social change, I have exclusively worked with A-type personalities who’s courageous acts are considered a verb, an act of ‘doing’ extra-ordinary feats few have done before them. These are the doers, the problem solvers with organised to-do lists and daily priorities which they execute with precision. 

Their initial gut reaction is ‘to act’ and find a solution to any problem, no matter how large. Their characters are mostly ‘positive’, optimistic, and everything you might expect to find in a motivational speaker or personal development book. I traditionally (past tense) related most to these individuals, continually trying to squeeze every iota of performance out of their being.  

These supposed courageous ‘acts of doing’ come pretty easy for me. Living my life in ‘uncomfortable uncertainty’ and making shit happen are strangely psychological places of safety, and therefore old coping mechanisms to make sure I had ‘control’ over my life. There is always a problem to solve, and a dopamine hit available for everyone one I tick off. So to the outside world, they ‘seem’ courageous but its more of a ‘default’ mode for how I learnt to survive in life. Do more - achieve more - be accepted and loved more was the unconscious logic which probably served me when I was young.  

To the outside world, these people are the successful ones. Married, children, successful careers, and on the go 24/7 with outsiders lifting an eye brow thinking ‘how do they do it?’. However, dig a bit deeper and these are the individuals who semi-regularly collapse in exhaustion, live in perpetual anxiety, continually face adrenal fatigue, sleep irregularly, and most likely will be the ones with early onsets of cancer as they live in that incessant fight-or-flight mode. 

Psychologically, everything inside themselves is telling them that they are not doing enough, there are more problems to solve, things to control and good to be done in the world. The nervous system of these individuals is in over drive. Their drink of choice is coffee over herbal tea, and life is a race to the finishing line, where the end point I unknown.  

So, what’s the most courageous thing these individuals could do? That’s easy. Do nothing. Throw away the to-do lists. This could be the most courageous act in one’s life. I’m not recommending this forever, but suspend it for 24 hours, 1 hour or 10 minutes. See what happens. I don’t want to attempt over-simply courage as it takes unlimited forms and dimensions in life. But this particular act of courageous is so personal, direct and continuous in my own everyday experience of living, which Is taking years to unwind.

Sometimes the pain of slowing down and doing nothing or little in any moment is so immense, that it can break people, or worse, entice them back to their ‘doing’ ways. To keep moving is to absurdly keep sane. But keep moving, creates a multi-generational erosion which can’t be turned around immediately. It’s like a steam train on a one way track. It has so much psycho-emotional momentum, that changing its route is a momental task. Some people believe that it’s fixed by meditation or yoga. However, although useful, those tools can equally just become coping mechanisms for 2 hours per day, when the entire nervous system and waking body just wants to GO. Healing treatments, retreats and therapy can suspend the intensity, but as soon as they are done, the wrecking train is back on the same track. 

For ambitious personalities, spirituality becomes another focused, ambitious and ‘doing’ venture. As powerful an experience, transformation and healing can be, if not managed carefully, it’s just another form of addiction wrapped in ‘sacredness’ and the consistent need to ‘do more’. A carrot dangling in front of the donkey, with happiness and enlightenment just around the corner if you ‘do’ these things.

In my life, I don’t often meet lazy people who can’t get out of bed and are lethargic. I typically interact with hyper alert and performance driven people, who think they are not doing enough. The medicine for this is firstly the correct diagnosis. A self awareness which is consistently nurtured but kicks in at the moment the psyche perceives a problem which needs fixing, aims towards the phone, laptop or excessive thinking, and consciously decides instead to take a deep breath in, possibly sigh, release, and decides that NOTHING needs fixing at this very moment. ‘I am fine the way life just as it is, even if its imperfect, anxious and troubled’.

The act of simply being there for myself however I feel, could be the most courageous act I’ve ever done in my life. When the urge arises to psychologically hear up - I don’t. I believe that surrendering to life the way it is — is probably one of the most courageous acts a human can do. Allowing for appropriate action to take place, needs to be practiced over and over again so it becomes its very own, deep neural pathway which doesn’t need to jolt the nervous system into action like a bear is chasing you.

However, if I take just one step back. I have to confess that at a deeper level, I recognise that by simply making the decision to incarnate as a human being, and live this experience, has to be the most courageous act of all. Just living in this world and being courageous enough to be here each other is enough.

ends …

a friend just shared this poem which I thought relevant …

HOW I BECAME A WARRIOR

Once, I ran from fear

so fear controlled me.

Until I learned to hold fear like a newborn.

Listen to it, but not give in.

Honour it, but not worship it.

Fear could not stop me anymore.

I walked with courage into the storm.

I still have fear,

but it does not have me.

Once, I was ashamed of who I was.

I invited shame into my heart.

I let it burn.

It told me, "I am only trying

to protect your vulnerability".

I thanked shame dearly,

and stepped into life anyway,

unashamed, with shame as a lover.

Once, I had great sadness

buried deep inside.

I invited it to come out and play.

I wept oceans. My tear ducts ran dry.

And I found joy right there.

Right at the core of my sorrow.

It was heartbreak that taught me how to love.

Once, I had anxiety.

A mind that wouldn't stop.

Thoughts that wouldn't be silent.

So I stopped trying to silence them.

And I dropped out of the mind,

and into the Earth.

Into the mud.

Where I was held strong

like a tree, unshakeable, safe.

Once, anger burned in the depths.

I called anger into the light of myself.

I felt its shocking power.

I let my heart pound and my blood boil.

Listened to it, finally.

And it screamed, "Respect yourself fiercely now!".

"Speak your truth with passion!".

"Say no when you mean no!".

"Walk your path with courage!".

"Let no one speak for you!"

Anger became an honest friend.

A truthful guide.

A beautiful wild child.

Once, loneliness cut deep.

I tried to distract and numb myself.

Ran to people and places and things.

Even pretended I was "happy".

But soon I could not run anymore.

And I tumbled into the heart of loneliness.

And I died and was reborn

into an exquisite solitude and stillness.

That connected me to all things.

So I was not lonely, but alone with All Life.

My heart One with all other hearts.

Once, I ran from difficult feelings.

Now, they are my advisors, confidants, friends,

and they all have a home in me,

and they all belong and have dignity.

I am sensitive, soft, fragile,

my arms wrapped around all my inner children.

And in my sensitivity, power.

In my fragility, an unshakeable Presence.

In the depths of my wounds,

in what I had named “darkness”,

I found a blazing Light

that guides me now in battle.

I became a warrior

when I turned towards myself.

And started listening.

- JEFF FOSTER