Crafting a new way

In a world of preachers, motivational speakers, gurus, yoga teachers, inspirational quotes, and a plethora of teachers who supposedly have life worked out, it feels like there is personal development information overload. I feel this especially on social media and digital media platforms.

One thing that's stood out for me, is the human need to always be doing something to 'develop', get ahead, be happy, find inner peace or materialize abundance. Getting to know oneself has seemingly become an act of 'doing' with the goal seemingly of 'being' (counter intuitive no?)

One now always needs to be passionate, obsessed, driven and I've seen this in my own life, especially with regards to my own personal development goals and career. This 'excitement' i believe is partly the reason why our society's nervous system is so shot. Add a love relationship, children into the mix, the pressures of the outside environment, there is a toxic cocktail for burnout on its way.

It's partly why I also have an aversion to motivational and personal development teachers who aren't in a relationship, don't have children, and work in an environment where they are only responsible for themselves. The complexities all these things, require a different type of guidance I believe, which also doesn't mean those individuals do not have wisdom to share.

I personally found myself in a long term loop in the 'spiritual community', seeking consistently. There was always the next healing, the next ceremony, meditation, frequency upgrade or thing to do or remember. I've come to observe a large shadow side of personal development, which is actually driven by the ego. You can equally find this in the fitness, health or conscious food industries. The good old 'its not enough' and I need to be doing 'more'. And for myself, who was actively working on their personal development, there was an underlying belief that I was wounded, unhealed and in need to discover more. This seeking was exasperated for me, especially when I was in a cycle of pain or suffering.

What I didn't realize was that it was the self obsessive seeking, which was reactivating the pain in the first place. The underlying belief that I was not enough, meant I had to do something.

That has suddenly shifted in my life. Doing nothing, simply being aware and open and curious to life, is a new way for me. Having given up astrological reports, hunting for guru quotes to support how I felt, I have chosen to simply shift into my more silence and awareness. It somehow feels that my relationship with the universe / or the divine, was somewhat liken to a 'jack russell' humping a human leg. But I'm somehow sitting back, and seeing that there is a possibility of balancing how much I yearn for the divine, but allowing the space for the divine to equally yearn for me, and demonstrate this through experiences of grace (which I obviously cannot control)

This is a new space, and counter intuitive. It doesn't mean I do nothing, but that doing less can actually be more, and being present with myself, and in appreciation of this gift for life, opens the door for the awareness of all the gifts which are ever present already. All is being provided already. And all is in flux and change already. I don't need to be forcing the flower to open. It already has its own intuitive cycle of opening, and closing.

This perspective is shifting my relationship to everything. If everything is the divine, I can softly start becoming in service to it (myself) at all times. This doesn't require obsession, passion or large dopamine boosts, even though those experiences might occur. It simply provides a new type of presence in my life, as i go through each experience which is happening out of my control. Living in a place of not knowing is scary, and the heart needs to trust and open to that over time. Especially with the knowledge that ultimately, you and your loved ones will die. But reconciling that fear, allows me to experience life as it truly is, and let the thrusting calm itself down.

In some ways, this feels like giving over the 'small me''s supposed free will to the larger divine will, and being in service to that.